what happened to the strong, funny, intelligent girl i once knew? i’m falling into the pit of conformity just like every other 16 year old teenage girl. i’ve always prided myself in being the girl who people could look up to as the one who could get through anything, the girl with the not so great past who turned herself around. what am i now? what is there left? i’ve distanced myself from my true self. i’ve let matter take over mind, and where am i now? before i would never let a guy, my friends, anyone influence my emotions, my choices, my lifestyle.
through the “fuck you’s, beating up my best guy friends, get the fuck out of my life, all of the drugs, everything” i still can’t help but like you still. i deserve so much better, i know that. but i can’t help it.
life is really good, actually. my friends are amazing, i’ve met a lot of new ones & my relationships have gotten stronger. dance is going great. school is actually pretty fun. my grades are good, i like most of my teachers and they like me. things are going good in the family too. life is good. normally, i would be so happy and have no regrets, worries, doubts in my head in a situation like this. but the only thing missing is YOU. i know its probably stupid and puppy love and i’m only 16 but fuck it i don’t care.
you’re always on my mind, i compare every guy to you but no one compares. this sounds fucking lame but it kills me that i see you online and you don’t talk to me. it’s always been you. always. i’m trying to get over you but i don’t want to. you’re such a douche but i don’t fucking care i want you and only you. its been you this whole time.
